Mourning

Yesterday afternoon, February 17, 2010, my sister passed away. She had gone into cardiac arrest and just couldn't pull through. She was 29.

For me to write that makes my heart hurt. She was so young and had so many things she wanted to do.

All I can think of is how much she loved Allison. Allison was her life. Everything was about her neice. It is going to be hard to convey that to Allison when she gets older but I am certainly going to try. Her Aunt Holly was the most awesome aunt that a kid could have. She spoiled Allison something rotten and always wanted to call at Allison's bed time so she could help put her to bed.

Holly was also very excited about being an aunt again. I remember one of the last things she told me she wanted was a picture of the peanut so she could put it with Allison's peanut picture. She wanted to stay with us after baby was born so she could help out, now it's going to be tough to go through that knowing my sister won't be there.

The hardest part for me is everytime the phone rings or there's a message on the machine, it won't be her asking how Allison is doing. When I check my email there will be nothing from her, only the old conversations that we had in the past. When I look at the pictures I have, I know that I will never have a new one of her. I can never grow old with her or talk to her about sister stuff or have her babysit the kids or help me with birthday parties or holidays.

I am coping with the loss as best as can be expected. Part of me is so angry with her and part of me is falling to pieces without her and another part just doesn't know what to do without her.
I am keeping all the memories of her close and praying to God that I will never forget the sound of her laugh or the way she sang Allison's song or the stupid things we did as kids.

Why did you have to leave us so soon???

I love you Holly & I miss you so much, you will forever be in my thoughts and prayers.

Valentine's Day

I started reading "The Miracle Life of Edgar Mint" last night (which is really good so far). Around 7:30 there was a knock on the door. I asked Scott if he wanted to get that he said "no, go ahead". UPS was standing outside with a box of flowers.
I looked at the UPS driver in confusion. FLOWERS FOR ME??? This must be some mistake. I brought the box inside and opened it up.
It really was flowers for me & Allison too, but mostly me!!!!
I was so shocked/surprised that Scott had flowers sent to us that I almost cried.


They are beautiful.

I love flowers and since it's been so gloomy and rainy it has brightened up my day.

I have also been working on a project. I chose a few of Allison's baby pictures that I took of her over the summer and mounted them on some scrapbook paper and framed them. I am going to hang them over the couch.
When new baby comes I am going to do the same thing and hang them under Allison's photos over the couch.
Here is what I have done so far, I have to fix one of them, it's crooked. But other than that I think they look pretty cute. What do you think??


sorry I can't get the photo to rotate

I hope you all have a wonderful Valentine's day and a great weekend.

Hi, I am the one who is supposed to update this blog

Well I have been sleeping on the couch for the past 6 days and really haven't moved much except to turn over and maybe get up to go to the bathroom.
Allison has been surprisingly comfortable with the whole couch potato thing, but only if we can watch "moon moon" over and over and read all of her favorite books; neenee (Fancy Nancy), search & find, a picture book and the various book pages she has torn out.

Today I feel so much better, morning sickness is horrible. I never had it with Allison so I think this is payback, I mean I actually barfed today, but I feel much better.
We took a walk after my incident and then proceeded to stuff myself with carbs; potatoes, pita chips and a chicken taco when we got back.

In other news Allison is just getting cuter and cuter every day.







Have a wonderful day!

Update on Holly

They moved her to the ICU last night with low blood pressure. As of this morning it has gotten better but she has another infection, this time in her lungs, possibly pnuemonia. My Mom is going to call me tonight after they get back from the hospital and let me know how she is doing.
Please keep praying for her health and well being.

Fondue Forks, Bamboo Skewers...Sharp Pokey Things

Allison is tall enough to reach the drawer that holds the silverware. She can open the drawer, dig her little chub hands in and pull out various forks, spoons and cheater chopsticks.

I knew she had found the pointy things that I had hidden under drink stirrers and real chopsticks so I changed the hiding spot to the back of the drawer (clever, I know). I didn't relize she was just as clever in finding hiding spots until I was putting groceries and dishes away (multitasking at its finest) this morning. I was putting some plates away and noticed she got out a few spoons, how cute. I turned around to put some things in the fridge and... OH MY GOD...she just poked me in the butt with a fondue fork. Lucky for me I was wearing jeans and have flabby mom butt so no injury, thank God. I laughed for a while after that and thought about where I am going to hide those darn fondue forks now.

A safety deposit box buried outside???

The bamboo skewers were never a problem until after lunch today. Usually she just moves them aside and pulls out the cheater chopsticks to pinch things with. But today a little evil glint was in her eye while I was doing the dishes.
"Mommy is not paying attention to me I must make her. Look at me mom, see what I am doing, see what I am going to do to your foot?"
That had to be going through her head when she stabbed me in the big toe with a skewer and started laughing when I screamed OUCH!!!.

That evil little...ooowwww, my toe hurts, no blood...good.

Those things are going in the trash.

Two new rules are now in place at our house:

1. Mommy is not a pin cushion.

2. Pointy things are now banned from this house.

Quick Update

I am really tired so I am going to make this quick.

Holly is doing great. She sounds so much better and her liver and kidneys are healing. She is going to be on a low protein low sodium diet for awhile, so she gets to see a dietitian to help her plan her meals (lucky for her). If everything comes back ok she gets to be released tomorrow, Thank God.

In other news, I am tired. The first trimester is always so tiring for me. I have never had any sickness or nausea, but I have to take a nap sometimes twice a day. Thank goodness after a few months it passes and I can get back on my normal schedule.

Allison got a cute book called "I'm A Big Sister". She has had me read it everyday so far and enjoys pointing to the baby in the book and telling me it's a baby. She is also starting to say "hi baby" to my tummy. It's just too cute, I think she is going to be excited to be a big sister. Helping mommy with baby is going to make her feel so grown up and she is the big sister now so she can have more resposibilities, like helping change diapers, hold baby and help mommy bathe baby. This is going to be fun, I can't wait.

I should be back tomorrow with some pictures and a story about fondue forks but right now I am going to sleep.

Have a wonderful day and keep praying for Holly, she still needs it.