Thursday, February 18, 2010


Yesterday afternoon, February 17, 2010, my sister passed away. She had gone into cardiac arrest and just couldn't pull through. She was 29.

For me to write that makes my heart hurt. She was so young and had so many things she wanted to do.

All I can think of is how much she loved Allison. Allison was her life. Everything was about her neice. It is going to be hard to convey that to Allison when she gets older but I am certainly going to try. Her Aunt Holly was the most awesome aunt that a kid could have. She spoiled Allison something rotten and always wanted to call at Allison's bed time so she could help put her to bed.

Holly was also very excited about being an aunt again. I remember one of the last things she told me she wanted was a picture of the peanut so she could put it with Allison's peanut picture. She wanted to stay with us after baby was born so she could help out, now it's going to be tough to go through that knowing my sister won't be there.

The hardest part for me is everytime the phone rings or there's a message on the machine, it won't be her asking how Allison is doing. When I check my email there will be nothing from her, only the old conversations that we had in the past. When I look at the pictures I have, I know that I will never have a new one of her. I can never grow old with her or talk to her about sister stuff or have her babysit the kids or help me with birthday parties or holidays.

I am coping with the loss as best as can be expected. Part of me is so angry with her and part of me is falling to pieces without her and another part just doesn't know what to do without her.
I am keeping all the memories of her close and praying to God that I will never forget the sound of her laugh or the way she sang Allison's song or the stupid things we did as kids.

Why did you have to leave us so soon???

I love you Holly & I miss you so much, you will forever be in my thoughts and prayers.

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